- My name is Pamela. I was born in New Zealand in 1946. I have had a very
traumatic life yet I seem to be able to rise above all my mistakes and
adversities with an unknown strength from within.
One of my friends recently told me I am one of the most courageous people she has ever known. That was a great gift for me to hear and I appreciated her honesty and it gave me a much needed lift. It still does.
I was born to 2 parents but my mother left my father when I was two years old and I can still remember my screams as I was taken away from my beloved father who adored me. I, to this day cannot stand the screams of a child without it distressing me somewhat inside my being.
My mother and grandmother moved around about 6 times before I was five years old. My brother Les was only 3 months old when my mother left my father. From here on my life was one of many moves at least once a year until I was 16 years old.
My mother and stepfather were share milkers so it was always in May that we moved in the middle of school terms. I just used to be too scared to go to yet another new school. Consequently I did not do very well at school. I wonder why?~~
I was abused by my stepfather and was raped by my step uncle. I was taken advantage by elders of a church in a sexual way also. All this under the age of 16. I was sent to boarding school at 16, after I had worked in a cake shop for 1 year after leaving school in order to pay my boarding school fees. I got nothing for myself in terms of money. It was taken from me each payday.
I was an ill child and had jaundice at 8 years old, badly sunburnt at about 9 years old and at 16 years old, I had my gall bladder out as I had gallstones. I had this massive operation (in those days) all alone, as I was at boarding school. No family member was with me.
I became very promiscuous and by the time I was 20 lost count of the older men who seemed to want to abuse me. Back then I was just looking for love.
I married my first husband Terry in 1966 against my mother and stepfather's wishes and they did not even come to my wedding even though the church ( Seventh Day Adventist) paid for it.
In 1967 I came to Australia as my husband's brother lost his wife in childbirth and he wanted to be with his mother, father and brother. I was then to find Terry was in trouble with the police. He and a friend were on the run and I was soon left in Sydney after about 4 house moves to find myself alone with no family.
I was so distraught I tried to commit suicide. I ended up in hospital where I was again abused by a Psychologist who got me out of hospital and I was his mistress. He was about 15 years older than me. He took me to the Kings Cross where he kept me in an expensive apartment. I had a hit man put his gun on me numerous times. It was a horrible time for me.
I came to Adelaide, South Australia in 1969 when my husband was arrested. He went to jail and I stood by him. Yet when he got out all his con tricks started again and he then got a woman pregnant. I helped to support her. That is my compassionate side coming out.
In 1970 I met my son's father and we had an unusual relationship. He was 12 years older than me and we really did not have much in common. I was alone and he needed a house keeper. Yet my precious son was born out of that union. We married in 1976 after living together for 6 years and we broke up 6 weeks after the wedding. My son's father continued to live with his mother until she died in 1993. She was a lovely lady but I could not live with her, hence the reason we broke up. My son's grandfather died in our bed in 1977.
I lived alone with my son until 1980 when I met husband number three. After 18 months of his conning and him stealing a car and disappearing for five months, I lost my home and had to go bankrupted due to his dishonest practices. Yet I had a very long 19 years of friendship with his Aunty and Uncle who became like parents to me. Aunty Doris died in 1997 and Uncle Allen in 1998. I was heart broken. I miss them both.
I went out with various men yet again for 15 years on my own. I met a man who murdered his wife while I was seeing him. I was beaten up at my front door by a woman and many other horrible things happened to me. Yet I still managed to bring up my son as best as I could and I completed Women's studies course(diploma) in 1982. In 1983 & 1984 I completed my Associate Diploma In Community Work. I will always remember my graduation day. I was so proud. I completed a massage course and began to work from home part time. I also did store demonstration work.
I unfortunately had a car accident in 1985 and am now paying the consequences of that accident now. I got nothing in compensation. I had just got my first real job when it happened. However I supported a friend Tanya who got Motor Neurone Disease and I nursed her for 4 years until she died in 1991.
I then found out my son was being abused by a young man we lived next to and at 15 years old he went to live with his father. I was so distraught as I never thought another man would hurt my son. Even though I was very aware of abuse I did not understand that a man could also abuse a boy. I was so naive.
In 1990 I started my own weight loss business but in 1992 I had to go bankrupted yet again. I lost my mother, my cousin, a good friend, and Tanya all in one year. I had a major collapse. I wonder why?~~
I was on good terms with my son and he used to visit me regularly and vice versa. I thought we had a very good mother-son relationship and all my friends thought we did too. In early 1994 he came and told me he was gay. I did not have a problem with that and supported him through this period and became involved with PFlag. Parents of gay children and I am still involved today. I used to go out with my son and he became a more confident man. Our relationship was good I thought.
Then I met my fourth husband in September 1994 and we got married in May 1995. It was far too quick. My only full sibling my brother Les committed suicide 3 weeks after I got married. I gave my son his 21st party in Sept 1996 and then had to have another operation in the October. That would be my fourth major operation.
Then in 1997 I found my 80 year old Aunty in New Zealand. My father's sister. My father I found out died in 1969 at only 55 years of age. I went to New Zealand six months later and met her and my three new cousins and their families. I was accepted with open arms.
On my return my son told me he wanted nothing to do with me and I was a terrible mother and he has refused to speak or see me for over two years. He did this the day Princess Diana died. I will never forget it. This rejection from my son is the most painful and distressing than all of the above. I just pray he reconciles with me before it is perhaps too late. All I can do is pray.
My cousin John died in 1997 and I just felt like my world was falling apart. My marriage was not working for me as my ex ( I have been separated 5 months now) was into pornography, drink and I just couldn't live with him any more.
I am now going through a messy property settlement and had to leave my home and rent in order to keep myself safe. I got a house through Women's Housing as I was a victim of domestic violence yet again.
I have been in my new home just over two weeks and I am now beginning to feel a lot better.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue in 1998 and am learning to manage the on going pain and fatigue that goes with this illness.
- I am learning to take care of myself. I do not feel I have been hard done by . I
feel I have a lot of compassion and empathy with others due to my experiences in
life. I now do spiritual readings and have a very good name in this area. It is
a very special gift I have.
- I get referral's from others. I have very good
friends whom I treasure as they have got me through many a time.
My passions in life are my Pekinese dogs Henry and Nakita. My kitten Cleo. I love photography, crafts, and gardening. I love nature, poetry, natural health and healing. I am interested in Antiques and unusual green ware called depression glass.
- I also enjoy genealogy research. I love talk back radio and am
very well known in this area as I speak quite often. I was interviewed recently
about being a self taught mature person on the computer. It went well.
I love flowers, butterflies and yes, I do believe in Angels. What keeps me going is~~
"Where ever you are at this moment
is exactly where you are supposed to be,
Kia Ora
Pamela (this was written April 2000 much much more to add)
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